Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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