Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
