"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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