New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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