bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
