i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
