We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
