what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
