i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
