I got chris browned last night
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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