He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
