Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
