I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
