Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
