He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
