My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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