I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
