a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
