Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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