we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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