I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
