ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
