defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
