Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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