i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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