There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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