i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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