I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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