I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
