im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
