I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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