I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
