another moral hangover. fuck.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
