I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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