Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
