my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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