i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
