So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
His nipple licking is glorious
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