Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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