i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
