I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
