'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
