And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
