you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
