It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The beer is more important than you right now.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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