Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I need water and some morals
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
