ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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