got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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