Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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