I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
