masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
