The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
How external is "for external use only"?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
