I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Randomize
