glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
