my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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